If Ain't Broken, Don't Fix It (especially when it comes to burgers)

How do I say this delicately? “If ain’t broken, don’t fix it” seems like an appropriate idiom for Spork. Spork, an upscale diner in the Mission District, had been waiting patiently on my to-do list for months. I found myself in the ‘hood (Valencia & 22nd-ish) Saturday night around 7pm and was quite surprised to find the place half-empty (I just noticed I instinctively chose to write “half empty” rather than my normal “half full” – perhaps an indication of my true feelings toward the place??? Freud, eat your heart out). My companion and I bellied right up to the diner-style bar (think plastic stools and paper napkin dispensers). Spork is known for its inside out burger, so that pick was a no brainer.

Back to the idiom. As you can see from the photo, Spork’s approach to the burger is to switch the buns with beef patties and the patty with a bun. It's a clever idea and I’m not afraid of a lot of meat. For various reasons, it fails miserably. Here is a list of my problems:

1. When asked how I wanted the beef cooked, I responded with my normal response (“mooing.”) I have never seen beef cooked so thoroughly. Strike 1.

2. The “bun” in the middle is totally absorbed by the meat to the point of disappearing, creating more of a meatloaf result.

3. The $3 bacon add-on is an insult to pigs around the world. It had the consistency of a relish – spreadable. Again, they tried to get clever on a staple and it totally backfires.

4. The Fries – can a girl just get a plate of freakin’ French fries?! Not at Spork. The “fries” are really four cutesy potato blossoms. Do not ask about the ketchup serving size. It will make me upset.

To recap, Spork tries to get creative in their delivery and it backfires on three fronts (Burger, bacon, and French fries). I *guess* I’m glad I went to see what the fuss is about, but when the burger craving strikes, there's no chance I will be returning to Spork.

One thing Spork has going for it: it’s three blocks from Luna Park (home of the best bread pudding in the world). And yes, the bread pudding is as good as ever. Best ever. Ever. Ever!!!!



EVER.