JOE MONTANA JOE MONTANA JOE MONTANA (and an awesome lunch at Parallel 37)

My awesome, fun, thoughtful, generous boss (hi, Paul!) spoiled my team and me one last time in 2011 by taking all of us to the Ritz Carlton's brand new restaurant Parallel 37 for a long lunch. Several things caught me by surprise: the quality of the food (my expectations are low for brand new openings) and a guest appearance by one of my childhood heroes, Joe Montana. JOE MONTANA!!! I needed a seat belt to contain my excitement (you can find personal anecdote at bottom*).

The restaurant - which is named for the geographic latitude running near The San Francisco Bay - opened just a few weeks ago after the historic Dining Room closed. I hadn't been to the Dining Room so I can't speak to the transformation, but the outcome is a place I'd happily return. It is a vast space marked by earthy tones and a huge central bar area. It is neither pretentious nor overly trendy; it's simply an upscale yet enjoyable environment. I'm now curious to see what this place can do at Happy Hour, dinner, and maybe even a Sunday brunch. Mom and Dad: get ready to eat Friday Lunch here soon.

As I perused the menu, my brain said "you are at a work lunch: scallops, scallops, scallops" (scallops are mature people food); while my heart battled back furiously with "burger, burger, burger!!!!!" My heart won out. I'm now inspired to follow it more often. The burger is a solid A and, I daresay, worth hiking up that big-a$$ hill in three inch heels. What sets it apart? Every ingredient is of the best quality and each played perfectly with the other: a sweet, eggy bun coupled with exceptional quality beef. Most importantly, the thick slice of cheese wasn't lost calories as is often the case in a burger. Rather, this white and tangy cheese emerged as the star of the show. While I prefer a thicker cut of French fry, I had no trouble polishing these off. My one critique is the home-made ketchup: its savory-sweet and seedy texture was simply too much for my taste buds. And, let's face it, we all know Heinz does ketchup best. As if to prove my point, I noticed the waiter "pass" JOE MONTANA a bottle of Heinz after he apparently rejected the homemade version.

My Ceaser salad starter was so large I only ate half. It is served with six large slices of garlic bread (when I start eating more salads in 2012, I could definitely pass this as an entree). The nine or so other diners with me seemed very happy with their selections; the flat iron steak and the scallops looked particularly enticing. The acoustics were such that I could hear everyone and the decor was pleasant to gaze at. While it seems nit-picky to me, I suppose it's only objective to point out that the servers placed a dish with the wrong person on multiple occasions. It's easy enough to say "nope, not mine!" but I have to say it occurred enough for me to take notice.

The average age at my table was about 30. Excepting JOE MONTANA's two daughters, we brought down the dining room age average by about fifty years. This is a refined, leisurely lunch spot. Take your in-laws, your business partners, or someone you want to have an audible conversation with.

*Granted, it only takes a D List celebrity to get me excited but Joe Montana reminds me of the Sundays I spent watching football with my Grandpa when I was a kid. And Grandpa let me eat chips and salsa (unlike my parents) ON THE RECLINER. The 49ers' resurgence has been so exciting this season; just wish my Grandpa was here to enjoy it with me.

The Best of 2010 is Not the Best of 2011

It's with great sadness I report North Beach's The House won't repeat its title as C Roberts Eat's Best of Meal of the Year in 2011. There was nothing offensive about the food (the wine, yes, and I'll address this later) but it didn't have that shocking, "where has this place been hiding my whole life??" reaction. Admittedly, maybe this is because I have been exposed to their food now! I don't think it'd even make this year's Top 10, and that probably has more to do with the fact that this year has been filled with an abundance of incredible meals than The House's shortcomings. But, allow me to talk through this:

One of my top eating partners, Adrienne, and I walked over to The House last Friday night around 6pm. After a 5 minute wait, we were seated at a two top toward the back. I immediately noticed how HOT it was inside; so hot I had to strip down to my camisole and dab my forehead occassionally. I was soon to learn the temperature would affect more than my wardrobe.

I was immediately charmed by our server. She promptly visited our table and rattled off several daily specials with amazing articulation. She was enthusiastic, friendly, and spoke perfect English. We selected a bottle of Cab Franc, which she fetched promptly. Since I was sweating, I was looking forward to a glass of wine to cool off. Well, it seems the Bikram Yoga temperatures were powerful enough to affect the wine: the red wine was bordering on hot; certainly warmer than room temp. Hot red wine tastes... bad. And tastes cheap (which, monetarily, it was not). We were adding ice cubes to our glasses to cool it off.

We ordered one of the daily special appetizers (scallops), the pork chop, and the sea bass that changed my life in 2010. The three scallops were just... good. They were a bit on the rubbery side and not quite as succulent as others I've had in the city. They were topped with tiny beads that look like caviar, which added an unusual pop to each bite. Again, I enjoyed them but I wasn't writing home about it (just writing my blog about them).

We had specifically asked our server to bring each dish out slowly so we could (attempt to) enjoy our wine and catch up. The scallops hadn't been cleared for ten seconds when the pork chop hit the table. I enjoyed the sauce and accountrmeents here, but the meat itself was on the tough side. I definitely had to use my steak knife with considerable effort (my workout for the day). The pomegranate seeds added an interesting crunch while the sweet'n'salty sauce disguised the dryness of the pork.

I was still working on my pork when the next plate came out (minus one point). Perhaps THE most memorable dish I ate last year, the sea bass, came out last. It was very, very good - but it didn't have that life changing factor it had last year. It was fall-apart-at-the touch, but the flavors didn't permeate throughout the fillet like I recall last year. The ultra-thick noodles were as memorable as last year; I challenge you to find a noodle this thick. All things considered, this dish warrants a visit alone and earns an A.

Again, my bread pudding obsession got the best of me. We ordered the warm chocolate bread pudding, but if you put a blindfold on me, I would have guessed it was a simple chocolate cake. That's not to say it was bad, but there was nothing to differentiate it from a devil's food cake. We wiped the plate clean, so I can't complain too much.

A note about the wine. By the time we hit the bottom, there was an abundance of sediment, which I suppose is natural but a pretty big turn off. I know that's probably out of their control, but this, combined with the temperature, propelled me to politely mention our displeasure to the manager (something I do on VERY rare occasions!!!). She was completely unsympathetic and made us feel bad for even mentioning it. I am very sincere when I say I told her so she could improve the situation for future customers. While some sort of compensation would have been appreciated, it wasn't my goal. I am usually too shy to speak up, and her demeaning response isn't doing much for my confidence.

The final verdict: you definitely should still go. Dress lightly, BYOB, and order the sea bass.

And, a quick shout out to my mom, whose spinach dip provided the culinary highlight of my Thanksgiving (proof I don't need a Michelin Star to be happy):

"Do I have any spinach in my teeth?!"


Happy Holidays to all and may they be filled with Nancy's spinach dip!